Tag Archives: Shopping

Forever 21…I’ve Got Questions

Twenty-one to be exact.

  1. What the hell? (technically my first question, but I can’t freaking figure out the indents, so I will start at number one below…again.)

If you have ever been a teenage girl, raised a teenage girl, or had to take a teenage girl shopping (within the last decade) you certainly know your way around a Forever 21 store.

Image Courtesy of Google

If you have not had the lucky occurrence of stepping foot into one of these chain stores, let me paint a picture for you.

As you walk in, you see a paradise of well-lit racks of clothing, shoes, bags, and jewelry. Cool Indie music is playing in the background giving you that fun “I’m gonna spend some money here today.” kind of vibe. The walls are soothing tones of neutrals and the lighting is that dazzling kind that falsely makes you look good in every mirror. Finally, upon check out you will move through a maze-like line stocked with enough merch (crap) for shoppers to make a few poor last minute decisions before hearing the call, “Next.”

Tú ¿comprende?

There is a little more to the story, though.

Hence my questions.

  1. Why are there clothes all over the floor? (Yes, that is correct–everywhere…in EVERY store.)
  2. Is there a manager anywhere?
  3. Does this store hire managers?
  4. If so, did they all die?
  5. Is this part of the gimmick?
  6. Where are the people that work here hiding because the only people I see are in the dressing room or running the cash register?
  7. Does anyone care?
  8. How do they sell the crap on the floor?
  9. Does anyone actually pick something out of one of the floor piles and buy it?
  10. Has a mother ever lost a small child in one of the piles? (I used to love to freak out my mother and hide in the racks of clothes. This store would’ve put her over the edge.)
  11. At some point does someone from corporate visit to check on things?
  12. If so, what do the employees do? Quit?
  13. Has anyone ever seen anyone pick an item of clothing off the floor and re-hang it?
  14. I always hang up what I knock off. Not here. Do you?
  15. Why are the employees in the dressing room so rude? You don’t have to deal with the floor drama.
  16. Or do you…later?
  17. What do they do with all of the dusty floor swamp piles of clothes?
  18. Do employees get some special discount just to work here?
  19. Why?
  20. Has anyone ever seen a Forever 21 sans clothing on the floor?
  21. If so, was it a mirage or a Christmas miracle, perhaps?

HSN Shopping…No Shower Necessary

There is something about the Home Shopping Network that makes me feel like I’ve been missing things all my life.

I feel the need to have these things and buy these things after watching these hot messes demonstrate and talk about how wonderful these things are.

Eyelid 1

She’s got the hood.

The Lids By Design, for example, is amazing.

In fact, the lady just said it’s like a push-up bra for the eyelid.

I want that.

They say this gets the hood.

I’m starting to get the hood.

I don’t have to pay thousands of dollars for surgery either.

I can just get this Lids By Design strip from HSN.

Oh and there’s only 10,527 left!

I’d better hurry.

Eyelid Pic2

“I’m…a monster…

And God bless the model that demonstrates the product.

She has to listen to how visually disturbing she is until the said product is applied. Then magically she gets to be loveable again… accepted by the human race.

Thank God!

Just when I thought it was over…Neck Rescue comes on.


There is a sticker for your neck.

It’s about time!

Neck Rescue

That’s as tight as she gets.

We can now leave the house again without making anyone want to vomit at the sight of our neck! Who knew this was such a disaster?!

Ohh, perfect for selfies. They’re so excited about this. I’m sure they would be excited about a rock…they found…in the driveway…and it changed their life.

Neck Pic

The difference is astounding!

Well, that’s over now, and these silver balls on a joystick are being touted as something I CAN’T SPEND ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT!

She says It pinches your skin…”Literally, it is pinching my skin.”

 Why would I go another minute without getting my skin pinched? 

They say it’s a HUGE stress reliever.

I’ll leave you with some of their favorite lines.

“Deep satisfaction…”

“I’ll be totally honest with you…”

“Those balls!”

“Oh, look at that ergonomical handle!” (I know that’s not a word.)

“It looks really cool too while you hold it!” (Pretty sure they have run out of things to say about the ball massager at this point.)

“It’s a wonderful experience…in the privacy of your own home.” (Mmmhmm)

“We only have two minutes left and WE…HAVE…TO…GO!”

“It’s free shipping…”

“If you don’t adore this product…”

“It’s a box of OZ…”

Well, I better go and get my credit card so I don’t miss out.

Damn HSN!


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Kristen Lamb

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