Tag Archives: Reality TV

“I’d Plow Your Farm Any Day”

country-girl

So, this is the please remember me phrase from one of Chris Soule’s (ABC’s The Bachelor) potential wifeys.

Yes it was. I thought she was a complete HoHo, but noooooowwwwwwww….

She’s one of my favorites…gotta love some reality TV.

I know I am not alone in this reality lovin’ goodness. It is an ugly obsession that one doesn’t enjoy admitting, but when one finds others that indeed have slipped up and admitted it–knows that we are bonded together…forever…as people who will always have something to talk about.

Me:  “Do you watch The Bachelor?”

Random Person:  “Ummmmm…”

Me:  “I love it.”

Random Person: “OMG! Me too!”

RTV (that’s my new acronym for reality TV that I just made up in case you were wondering, but know you aren’t, because my readers are without a doubt, unbelievably smart, clever and intelligent) is shocking, unbelievable, disgusting, annoying, ridiculous, mind-numbing, stupid, funny, sad, and addicting.

Can you say that about any other TV show? Well, not including Breaking Bad. Refer to my previous post https://thedailycolonic.com/tag/breaking-bad/ to get my opinion on that. (Spoiler alert! Best show ever!)

RTV is like watching a car wreck complete with shattered glass, blood, dismemberment, and people all around you admonishing you for staring too long.

In fact, If my husband were to ever leave me, you can rest assured my love for RTV would, no doubt, be used against me in a court of law as my husband and lawyer built their case attempting to make me look crazy. Scary thing is…it could work.

So, anywhoo,The Bachelor is one of my absolute favorite RTV shows. It has romance, love, secret rendezvous, tears, scandal, and heartbreak. It is a girl’s dream and (un-admittedly) a man’s way to see what kind of “mojo” the leading man has. I’m also pretty sure it’s not to hard to look at 30 of the most beautiful girls in America throwing themselves at one guy.

This season Chris, a farmer from Iowa, and a “dumpee” on the last season of The Bachelorette, is on his quest to find who he truly believes will be his wife. It’s not completely crazy because it actually has worked out for some of his predecessors, but the odds lean more toward the fact that he will most likely be plowing his own field for quite some time.

chris-bachelor-560

Or maybe not…

So, he is clearly a decent looking guy, with a sweet personality to match with the bonus of being sensitive–not in a gag-me-with-a-spoon way but a way that you fantasize about.

This season has not disappointed so far either. It has had the token drunk AND a couple of extra drunks in the wings to fill in as the girls not doing it for Chris get plucked off one by one in a humiliating you ain’t gettin’ a rose ceremony

Now, these extra drunks have truly provided some great entertainment, but I don’t want to get too spoiled because when they’re gone we must rely on the personalities of those that are left. They can range anywhere from the bitch not here to make friends, to the girl who becomes your very best friend but will secretly screw him if she gets half a chance to, and the girl who has no intention of getting married and every intention of getting cozy with the production staff so she can get every bit of screen time as possible to help catapult her career as an actress.

See? Intoxicating. 🙂


“Holy Filler, Batman”

 

Joan RiversHappy…sad…mad…crying??? Who knows?

So, clearly, if you are a regular, you already know that I’m a TV addict and no longer ashamed of it by the way!!  (Don’t even…)

We are ALL addicted in some way I tell ya! Just because your screen happens to be the size of your palm and fits into your purse or back pocket and poses as a phone doesn’t make you any better.

Do you hear me?

Not any better…nope…uh-uh.

Anywhoo! My love of the “Large Rectangle of Fun” in my living room, bedroom, basement, guest room…playroom…(I digress) has brought me not only much enjoyment but plenty of story starters as well.

For instance, I was watching (hahahahahaha….yes…of course this has to do with a TV show) Botched which is a new reality TV show (Really? Another one? How many can there be???? It’s endless people! Sorry the little gremlin in my head keeps interrupting me!!!!!!) where the most interesting freaks people are showcased as they seek out the “Yodas” of plastic surgery (two husbands of wives of The Real Housewives of Yada, Yada, Yada–yes it’s confusing just hang in there) to fix the mamed, marred, and flat out ruined due to a “botched” job the first time around.

You can only imagine. Check it out on BRAVO TV.

Well, watching this show has only re-enforced my feelings toward “extreme” plastic surgery and how women, in the effort to seek perfection, destroy anything they actually might have had going for them.

Now, I’m not talking about the slow little tweek here and there or the fixer uppers that look absolutely stunning afterwards. It can be done right and certainly has been done right by many, but those poor souls who apparently thought calling 1-800-I-own-a-scapel have endured quite a different fate.

One must wonder what these people were actually trying to accomplish in the first place–because if it’s  the look of a surprised, bloated trout that happens to be of Asian descent—well, then, they have certainly gotten their money’s worth, but I’m guessing their hopes and dreams rested more with trying to recreate what once was–no longer is–but can possibly be “born again” with a few pricks, pokes, slices, dices and “Wha La”… a younger version of themselves.

You know the face I’m talking about too–that jokerish, pastry puff of scariness. And don’t get me started on the grizzly effects that a little bit of laughter creates in these carefully crafted faces. It can be very difficult to tell if  “The Changed” are angry or sad…or laughing or crying. I’m sorry, but  life is confusing enough without now having to decipher why in the world someone you don’t even know is pissed off at you. I’m sensitive enough without now wondering why everyone is frowning/not smiling at me–oh wait–they are but you can’t tell…bummer.

It’s so sad, and what’s done is done. (Unless you go on Botched of course.) Leave it alone!

Age is comin’…like a freight train people…so trying to stop it is about as easy as getting Juan Pablo to stop saying “Is okay.”  

In the end, all we really have that’s worth something is our friends, our loves, our family, our spirituality, and if that’s not doing it for you, friend, I’m sorry to say…plastic surgery probably isn’t going do it for you either. Love yourselves. Be good, love your loved ones, and be a light in this dark judgy world.

It’s amazing what kind of “lift” that will give your face.


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