Tag Archives: QVC

For English, Press 1

telephone operator

Did the hair on the back of your neck just stand up?

Did random thoughts of a telephone, curse words, and the phrase–Good Lord get me someone who speaks English or who would like to wrap this up in preferably under an hour before I permanently destroy my phone and anything in its path in a fit of rage just cross your mind???

We’ve all been there. We have all made the dreaded call to the “Customer Service Rep” that has brought out our inner “Psycho”. psycho_norman

At some point in everyone’s life we are faced with the unfortunate reality that–that call–has to be made.

Whether  it is to dispute a credit card charge or to order  The Magic Bullet from QVC, we at some point or another have broken down and dialed the dreaded 800 number.

When I have found myself in this blood pressure raising position I try to do a few things to offset the impending  fury that is sure to make an appearance such as:

  • having no other distractions like screaming children or TV in the background.
  • being alone (because I want to be free to make a class A arse of myself) in the event that it “gets U-G-L-Y”.
  • And, I try to have one stiff cocktail beforehand as well as one on board in order to calm the nerves quickly simmering just beneath my skin as I dial the number.

Here is an example of a true story that had me giggling…Conversation With My Insurance Company’s Automated Machine.

Do you have any funny stories that are worth sharing?

Drunk QVC

We all know drinking and dialing can lead to a less than desirable result, but drinking with a phone, a cocktail, and a credit card in your hand can lead to an odd arsenal of purchases all the way from fur coats to cake pops. I should know!

I can’t quite figure out my attraction to infomercials and shows like QVC, but it’s like they are selling the anecdote to an incurable disease and I’d be a fool not to buy it. A fool I say! Pair that with a few trips to the liquor cabinet and some time to myself and they could sell me just about anything.

Let’s face it. These people are soooooo persuasive, and they seem to be reading my every thought because they have the answers to some of my most annoying “life” problems. So, to ask me to let them charge my credit card for the next 26 months sounds perfectly acceptable.

Now I like me some infomercials and some QVC, but intoxication takes this relationship to a whole new level. I realize all the things that could change my life.  Here are just a few of my life-saving purchases.

photo 1  Doesn’t steam a damn thing, but it will take the first three layers of skin off.                photo 3 Thank goodness for all the pieces because I can never find any of them.             photo 4 I bought four (not one but four ) of these boxes of cake pop pans.  How could I possibly function without four cake pop kits?

photo 2 This is Rachel Zoe —heeeellllllooooo!                          Bare-MineralsDon’t get me started. Complete mess.

meaningful_beautyMeaning it’s like any over-the-counter anything.

wen-hair-productsInstructions are to use just about  an entire bottle for one shampoo-no lather achieved.

How did I ever live without these things?


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Kristen Lamb

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