Not Today

In less than a year I’ve lost four parents. Two step and two originals. 

The pain with loss comes like a lightning flash, forceful and brilliant. 

But, grief is different. It doesn’t have a singular definition. 

I have felt grief so differently for all four of these losses and this final loss…the loss of my mother cuts like a knife so sharp you don’t even realize it’s done any damage until your brain registers the pain. 

I feel nothing, yet I feel everything, and I can’t identify any of it. 

I dabble with thinking about this strange and foreign reality then, just as the feelings begin to choke me, I quickly abort the tempestuous thoughts so desperately trying to seep into every part of my being knowing I’m not ready for what’s coming. 

I’m not ready. 

I don’t want any part of it. 

It smothers me. 

So I choose to breathe. 

2 Comments on “Not Today

  1. Oh, holy Jesus, I can’t. I just can’t even. My heart is so broken for you. I love you so!

    Kate

    Kate Dague Sherfinski

    Kate Dague Interior Design Katedague@att.net 678-859-9543

    >

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