Not Today

In less than a year I’ve lost four parents. Two step and two originals. 

The pain with loss comes like a lightning flash, forceful and brilliant. 

But, grief is different. It doesn’t have a singular definition. 

I have felt grief so differently for all four of these losses and this final loss…the loss of my mother cuts like a knife so sharp you don’t even realize it’s done any damage until your brain registers the pain. 

I feel nothing, yet I feel everything, and I can’t identify any of it. 

I dabble with thinking about this strange and foreign reality then, just as the feelings begin to choke me, I quickly abort the tempestuous thoughts so desperately trying to seep into every part of my being knowing I’m not ready for what’s coming. 

I’m not ready. 

I don’t want any part of it. 

It smothers me. 

So I choose to breathe. 

About Amy Rafferty Slagle

I am a middle school teacher juggling career, husband (ooh la la), and twin tomboys (good grief). I have a passion for writing and crave laughter just about as much as frozen yogurt. This is my attempt at sharing the madness of my world, my mind, and my humor. View all posts by Amy Rafferty Slagle

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