Endings

Ok, Mama…this one’s for you.

As a little girl, I believed that the sun rose and set with my mama. I couldn’t imagine living a day without her by my side; she was the air in my lungs that wouldn’t exist without her. In fact, the thought of ever losing her was so excruciating that it consumed me many times throughout my life even as I got older…the what ifs.

Well, the big “What if” has come, and it is no different now.

So many years later, all grown up, the realization of losing the one person on the planet that will never stop loving you no matter what—your “Number 1 Fan”—hurts just as deep as you think it would when you are little.

Ginny was the all-star of moms. She made you feel like you won the lottery just because you were lucky enough to be granted this gift of pre-destined linkage.

My mom taught me things in life that only a mother can teach.

She taught me how to enjoy the simple pleasures in life from drinking lemon Yoplait yogurt straight from the container in the car on the way home from the grocery store because it was just so darn good to how the smell of fresh cut grass on a summer day should be breathed in so deeply you get dizzy from doing it.

She taught me how to be girly and enjoy choosing perfume and jewelry, makeup and having pretty, painted nails.  She taught me to appreciate everything that I have–to look at life through blessings not hardships.

When she said the words, “EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK,” I knew it was.

She taught me how to entertain big groups, how to reach out to old friends (still working on that one), how to be selfless (a work in progress), how to laugh LOUD and HEARTILY…at many things…and how to be a good mother.

She was the strongest alliance I had. If I was sad, so was she. If I was mad at someone, so was she. If I felt hurt, so did she. If I felt pain, so did she…

Glad she doesn’t feel what I am feeling now.

My mom had a particular type of “good” in her that I knew I would never have. She touched everyone she ever met, connected with them, and had the ability to make them feel so loved, special, and important. She left me in awe at just how wonderful she was.

She was special.

She was a gift.

And I am forever grateful.

I love you mama.