Wake Up So I Can Kill You


My husband cheated on me last night.

Ok, no phone calls please; it was in a dream, but it felt soooooooo real; and now I’m mad, and want him to wake up so I can tell him how awful he is so he can feel terrible then love on me and assure me he doesn’t own a curly clown wig or lime green suspenders. (complete freak show.)

He was being so naughty when I caught him too. He didn’t even stop! In fact I walked over to him to get a really good look to make sure he was doing what I thought he was doing. He was, and now I hate him. Great.

I rolled over and just looked at him; I gave him a long blink and rolled back over–a bumpy flailing about (like a mackerel on a dock) type roll over so he would know just how mad I was. I was disgusted and here he was just sleeping away all peaceful.

sleeping cat

So I waited, like a hunter waiting for their prey to flinch. I finally saw a flicker of eyeball.

A lion in Kenya's Ol Pejeta Conservancy. © Stefan Ekernas


He just thought he was waking up to a glorious Super Bowl Sunday.


Just one bite...

Black Widow


Me:  “Well, well, well, I hope you enjoyed it.”

Him: “What?”






Just what I thought…denial. Wasn't meTypical man.







How about you? Have you ever wanted to call your attorney after a dream?

About Amy Rafferty Slagle

I am a middle school teacher juggling career, husband (ooh la la), and twin tomboys (good grief). I have a passion for writing and crave laughter just about as much as frozen yogurt. This is my attempt at sharing the madness of my world, my mind, and my humor. View all posts by Amy Rafferty Slagle

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