Chew and Hurl

I don’t know about you, but discovering an overbearingly large piece of rubbery matter that CANNOT be chewed in a bite of food is about enough to send me over the edge.


What’s worse is when this unfortunate incident happens at a fancy dinner with people whom you are still in the trying to impress stage.

You know just when it happens too.

First comes denial where you allow your tongue to gingerly investigate the gnarly goober in your mouth pleading with it to just be your imagination and really be a piece of meat or at best something edible.

I love it, too, when someone at the table decides to address you as you are having this battle of wills with your esophagus and gag reflex.

Next, comes this panic because you know you have to get it out–get it out or let your table neighbor watch as your body does this inexplicable heave as you attempt to swallow what your body will NOT ALLOW YOU TO DO. No amount of water is going to get this minion down.


Pair this with an accidental swallow out of your neighbors drink and you’ve got friends of friends wondering why in the world they are friends with you.

“What’s the matter with that woman?”

How does one handle a situation like this?

I find the easiest option is just to take it out of my mouth and put it under some salad on my plate. (Not exactly what Martha Stewart recommends but I think at this point she’s certainly seen worse–so…)

This, unfortunately, comes with its own set of obstacles because I always inevitably end up finding my way back to it again (as if it’s destiny) and sign right back up to enjoy a second round of “gristle hockey” when this clever little vomit inducer grabs a ride on the next forkful of food. (Maybe hiding it under lettuce isn’t such a good idea after all.)


What the hell?

All I can think at that moment is Are you freaking kidding me?

The process must now start all over again.

Although, NOW I will be much wiser–I will put it in my napkin (cloth or not–at this point I don’t care–I truly have nothing to lose) and I will get rid of it once and for all.

Wow. Who knew a simple dinner out could be riddled with such challenges.

For me–anything’s possible.

Any funny dinner experiences to share?

About Amy Rafferty Slagle

I am a middle school teacher juggling career, husband (ooh la la), and twin tomboys (good grief). I have a passion for writing and crave laughter just about as much as frozen yogurt. This is my attempt at sharing the madness of my world, my mind, and my humor. View all posts by Amy Rafferty Slagle

6 responses to “Chew and Hurl

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


general life and beauty blog

Kristen Lamb

Author, Blogger, Social Media Jedi

Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

** OFFICIAL Site of Artist Ray Ferrer **

Smart Discount Shop

Discover all the creative and ingenious ways to save money !


Godinterest is dedicated to proclaiming Christ and set apart, to save and empower lives.


4 out of 5 dentists recommend this site

sammiestwins's Blog

My journey with my children.


Making the web a better place

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.


a day in the life of my sketchbook...


the holy land...or something

Post it Notes from my Idiot Boss

delivered directly to my computer monitor on an all too regular basis...


The way revenge is best served; the way a war was fought; the way a story should be told. ©

%d bloggers like this: