Is This My Future?

something_about_mary_2 It’s certainly my past.

I’m a product of the 80’s when sunscreen was for dorks and white pasty losers that had an aversion to the sun. We weren’t seeing all the effects of skin cancer that we are  seeing today…thank you global warming.

I actually remember a time when I laid out with cooking oil and a mirror directed at my face hoping to achieve a “savage” tan as we called it.  What an idiot!  I got dark, though–really dark.  I loved it.  I would lay out as much as 8 hours in one day.  Yikes!

I’ll never forget the day I got so much sun I actually passed out. So, not only was I wrecking my skin, I was clearly messing with internal functions as well.

That day was sooooo scary.  I was all alone and close to finishing an 8 hour sun binge when I decided I was going to risk missing three minutes of precious sunlight in order to get a drink. I’m pretty sure I had been craving Gatorade for at least three hours when I finally broke down.

I sluggishly made my way up the back porch steps…and then it happened. I went straight down.  I passed slap out! Luckily, I did a face plant on the side rail which apparently knocked me back into a somewhat cloudy but awake state as I landed.

I remember being on my knees and crawling through the back door to the kitchen where I managed to slither my way up a chair and get seated. By seated I mean both legs straight out, my head thrown back, and my arms listless at my sides. That project had to have taken a good ten minutes.

I was sooooo far away from the sink–a good foot. The room was darkening and I could only see this little circle of light around the water faucet. I knew impending doom was on its way, and I had to make my way to the water. Survivor contestants have nothing on me.

I got into some sort of downward dog-ish position and slowly made my way to the sink, pulled myself up the cabinet, and turned that beloved liquid on.

Then it got weird.  The sound of the water began to fade away as though someone had turned down the volume of the world around me.

“I’m freakin’ having a stroke.”

All I could think of was that I will look like a hot mess when I am found dead in the middle of the kitchen–tan but dead.

Well, I recovered and luckily didn’t kill too many brain cells. (I’m sure that could be debated).

Unfortunately, many years later I find myself still seeking the sun, and bronzing up. It is such a difficult mindset to change.  I do, however, keep my face protected and limit the hours in the sun. I also make sure my children always have sunscreen–the good stuff!

Do you have any fun sun stories to share?

About Amy Rafferty Slagle

I am a middle school teacher juggling career, husband (ooh la la), and twin tomboys (good grief). I have a passion for writing and crave laughter just about as much as frozen yogurt. This is my attempt at sharing the madness of my world, my mind, and my humor. View all posts by Amy Rafferty Slagle

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